This year I had to euthanize a cat I had the pleasure to have in my life for almost 14 years. I saw her come into this world right out of her mum, and I was there when she died. Afterwards, we brought her from the veterinarian and buried her in my mother’s backyard.
She had late stage cancer. I never knew when was the right moment to say “it’s time”. The fucked up part is that we can’t get verbal confirmation that “this is it” for them.
She could barely walk or breathe by the end and I didn’t know if I was being selfish or if I was stealing time that she still wanted to have. It was brutal. Everyday was just one more day that I wanted to say goodbye.
And then one day I saw her struggle so much to breathe and said “it’s time”. The meds didn’t work anymore and I couldn’t ease her suffering in any way anymore.
That moment still sounds far off with your beloved friend. Treasure those cozy and snuggled naps they love to take and be kind to yourself as you navigate it all.
The “Fully Functional” is something that the most level headed adults that I know, men or otherwise, would refute on the spot. I don’t think I know anyone who feels like a fully functional person. Or an adult for that matter. As that is an elusive concept to begin with. Although, that doesn’t mean one can’t find ways to mature.
I’m 40. And the thing that I’ll say is that kids and younger people have it harder these days. The world is in a state of unprecedented cacophony, in which the previous existential threats that loomed over the previous generations are all stacking up to form a massive sense of unease.
Whichever adult, men, woman or other, that claims they have it all figured in the face of increasing calamity is lying. Possibly to themselves first.
The men who feel the way(s) that you mentioned, are not wrong in feeling the way they do. They can only be wrong in how they act in response to it. Because from time to time, we’re all bound to feel like that at one point or another. And unfortunately in some circumstances and contexts that might be more persistent than others.
The great failure of our time is not that men, young or not, are failing more, but that we are all failing more. Because we are all failing each other. Some more than others, obviously. But even so, we’re failing to reach one another at some point in a growing secluded world.
You can eat your greens. Go to the gym. Earn income that allows you comfort. Find a partner. And even have a child…
And still feel all the things that these “men” do.
The point of maturity is to not make others pay for what burdens you.
And the only escape out of that isolated space is not the “self-improvement” route that the fraudulent will try to coach others. As that is just maintenance.
The way out of loneliness is in service of others. Which has always been the the case and will always be.
Trying to find a way out of loneliness by trying to find a romantic partner to “fix that” is just offloading the burdening responsibility to another person. And regardless of sex or sexual orientation that will always lead to a toxic dependency and a relationship that never ends well.
I’m a 40 year old dude. I have a home. I get to do what I’m passionate about. I have a partner that I live with and I love her. But if anyone comes knocking for advice, I tell them that if they’re looking for easy answers, they’re looking for lies to comfort them out of what they already know to be true… That life is complicated and none of us really know what we’re doing while we’re roaming this earth.
But it sure is a whole lot easier when we’re kind to one another. And that is about the only certainty we’re gonna get before we die.
Everything else is noise.