Jeff Apple is walking down the stairs. I’ve met Jeff Apple. All the Apples really. Big family. Yuuuuge Apple family, some might say. And I’ll say it. Because nobody is saying it enough. Folks, wouldn’t it be great if we could all build a great big Apple?

No no no. I’ll make it more exciting to watch.

Ok, so first off, everybody loves violence. So the first thing we’re doing is giving every player a knife. They’re free to use it however they like. Except the goalie. The goalie gets a chainsaw. All the refs gets flame throwers.

Ok, so next we want to increase female viewership. So now all the athletes are going to have a uniform that is only a bra and panties, sponsered by Victoria Secret.

No more groups. It’s now one group. Elimination tournament style.

And now, the soccer ball is filled with a bunch of beans. These beans are filled with rice size atomic bombs. If the ball is shot with a special liquid, the protective layer around the ball is melted away. And now the ball is one big explosive with a timer. Nobody knows when it’ll blow up. This is only used in sudden death overtime.

And the airplanes above the field release toxin gas that makes everybody horny as hell. That’s when drunk people in the stands start fucking.

Unclear if you worked for the army, or for Mcdonalds. Either way you were probably paid about the same, and had to go to war every day.

I work 7 days a week with 4 different jobs. I don’t have time to go out, much less have friends. But I have walked out of places and stopped in a gym signup process because they required a cell phone to use their service.

“Hi, I’d like a menu”

“Oh, our resteraunt only has QR codes.”

“Ok, bye bye.”

I just don’t scan QR codes.

So the military has been bound by the same handcuffs that McDonalds is with it’s ice cream machines?

It was messed up that McDonalds agreed to that. It’s TERRIFYING that the group in charge of our military ever did.

I don’t know about now, but back in the 90s the magical out was that you punched them in the face.

Back then the concept of a school shooting didn’t exist, and parents didn’t threaten to sue the school every 5 minutes.

So teachers would just let the fights go.

“Oh, Billy tried bullying Bobby, and now Bobby punched Billy in the face? Eh…call me when they break bones and spill blood. I’m going to go make popcorn.”

These days? I’m sure both kids would get expelled.

Shredder never even has defined plans. Now granted, I was a kid in the 80s. If the new series is different, I don’t know. I didn’t even see the micheal bay movies. I saw the original cartoon, the first 3 movies, and the “coming out of our shell” tour.

Shredder always just kind of showed up, and maybe robbed a jewelry store. Or kidnapped April and that skinny news reporter guy.

There never seemed to be a plan. It was always just vague “do crime and evil shit…”

Then they introduced the mafia, who for some reason just liked tickling everybodies feet.

What I’m curious is what kind of ball are you shaped like?

A golf ball? With divots all over your skin? A basketball? Just round? A baseball? With stitches all over your skin like later years Chucky? A football? Are you Stewie Griffen? Testicles? Wait, are you saying your whole body is one big testicle? Oh my god, the Iron Shiek wasn’t speaking broken english! He was just talking about you!!! “I hit him right in the ball this big!”

Well, these sports cars usually sell for $100,000+. If he was homeless, he could sell the car, buy a house, and still have anywhere from 5k to 40k leftover depending on the house.

Well what ends up happening is some company will have a CEO.

He’ll make all the stupid decisions. But they’re only stupid from everybody ELSES perspective.

From his perspective, he uses AI, tanks the companies future in the chase of large short term stock gains. Then he gives himself a huge bonus, leaves the company, gets hired somewhere else, and gets to say “See how that company is failing without me? That’s because I bring value to the brand.”

So he gets hired at the neeeext place, meanwhile that first company is failing because of the actions of a CEO no longer employed there, and whom bailed because he knew what was coming.

These actions aren’t stupid. They’re plotted corruption for the benefit of one.

I believe that to be correct.

Your assesment, not the result.

…now I want to open 10 different calanders at once. In different colors. But only use the pink one. I’ll close the other 9, and grumble “GOD DAMN COMPUTER!!! WHY DON’T THEY FIX THIS SHIT???”

And again…only use the pink one.

grabs popcorn

UFC is over rated.

My first computer was 33htz. Ran Windows 3.1. And Warcraft 2.

So yeah. The perfect computer.

Why do I never understand memes?

Why is Kanye West operating a lie detector test with tubes of science juice?

You ever stand at a bus stop for 20 minutes across the street from a highway with an exit ramp that has a light at the street?

They walk up and down the exit ramp as it has a red light. Walking car to car. Roughly 1 in 5 give money. The light lasts about 2 minutes. Which means every 4 minutes he has a new set of cars exiting the highway. That means there’s 15 light cycles in a 60 minute time period, assuming the city doesn’t have automated changes at set intervals (some lights do).

So lets say he gets 1 in 5. And lets set the number real low. Lets say he only gets $3 on average every light change.

That’s $45 dollars an hour. Which is actually shooting low when you consider people like my aunt. Who gave the guy $20. Those people aren’t the norm. But they exist, and would bring up the average easily.

Then there’s other times I’d see several light changes where nobody gave him anything.

Point is, $40 for that type of a scam, with no overhead, no expenses, no payroll, nothing, is pretty low. It’s probably more, but I don’t have exact numbers. I just see him whenever I catch a certain bus.

The fact that he has a nice car makes me think he either has a second passive income, or I’m WAY undershooting it.

Because I’m pretty sure those nice sports cars are like 100k. Even $40/hr I don’t think would cover that.

Hickory Dickory Dock, Santa pulled out his cock. When he told her to suck, Mrs Claus said “I’d rather we fucked” Hmmm, I think we’re all in luck.

So he was giddy with glee, but what did he see? Something that made all his hopes melt. Mrs Claus shoved him on the bed, dressed in all red, and stuffed him in a chastity belt.

Santa asked “What is this? What are you doing?” Mrs Claus said “Shhhh, tonight I’ll do the screwing!” Then Santas eyes went wide, what he saw he could have cried, as Mommy Claus pulled out a strapon.

With fright on his face, and a tear in his eye, Santa got on all fours, he wanted to die. Mommy Claus said, “Oh stop pouting, I’ll be in and out. Lasting in bed is something you know nothing about. So take lessions old man, write this down, because from now on Santa only cums once a year, but tonight he’s cumming to town!”

What I have found is that being smarter isn’t always a good thing.

When I was a teenager, I LOVED the WWF (now WWE).

It was just fun absurd crazy entertainment with a lot of showmanship and variety. There were unique characters. There were engaging stories. All wrapped around the core concept that every character wants the title belt.

Flash forward 30 years. Watching those same exact shows now? All I can see is “Oh, that’s hulk hogan. He insulted his own daughter saying she sleeps with (n-words).”

“Oh, that’s Chris Beniot. He kills his wife, his 7 year old son, and then himself, after drugging them into a coma.”

“Oh, that’s Vince McMahon. He’s in the midst of raping women and getting away with it.”

“Oh, that’s The Great Moolah. She has been at this point keeping women in a prostitution ring. Forcing them to travel the roads with the WWF, but sleep with men for money, and then she takes the money. If they don’t, she beats them.”

And you could say “Oh, but you’re just talking about pro wrestling. That’s irrelevant to life.”

Which is exactly why I chose it as a noncontroversial example. The same concept happens in every other aspect of life. When you’re stupid, you just accept things, and things just happen around you. You’re just happy to be alive.

But when you start getting smarter, you begin to realize that every aspect of your life is controlled and manufactured off of the suffering of others. Child labor made your sneakers. Slavery picked the chocolate in your cookies. And even your life exists soley to produce profit by paying you a teeny tiny fraction of what the billionaire who owns the company you work for. Forcing you to live paycheck yo paycheck, just so you can put all your earnings back into the ecconomy. And when you think of it from that perspective, you are a wage slave. You earn a paycheck, but that paycheck goes right back to things to keep you alive.

When I was 20, I didn’t see that. I just thought “Aw sweet! There’s $20 left over after bills! We can buy some beer!”

Now I think “Only $20? Damn. I can’t save ANY money…”

I was happier before I saw my suffering for what it is.