things have settled down considerably since last week; got to see the eclipse the other day which was cool
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My daughter is 6 weeks old today so I’m a happy papa.
Mental health is declining again lol
Don’t even know, between being frazzled plus mild paranoia, but have started on a long break from alcohol & on day three of cutting down (massively) on smokes with a view to quitting the latter entirely. Going well so far.
Trouble is, my ADHD meds seem to make me fiend nicotine in cigarette format to an alarming degree. Alcohol to a lesser extent. Though the meds are a big help, I don’t know that they make me functional enough to take the physical health hit of either, nor the disarray caused by alcohol.
Which rather leaves me back at square one. Oh well.
So far so good! I completed my training to be a poll worker for the election in November, which I’m excited about! Also going on a quick vacation this weekend, which should be fun!
thank you for your contribution to democracy!
I’ve been back home for two days. I stayed near the hospital for a few but there’s really no comfort like home. 1 week post-op will be tomorrow. Now I get to work on my leave paperwork with this shitty 3rd party company we pay to manage work leave, hooray.
Still ill, annoyingly. It’s just a cough now but every time I go to choir I can’t speak the day after. I know I need to rest my voice but I can’t miss a rehearsal without not being allowed to perform at the concerts.
Speaking of, got an invite to potentially sing in Hiroshima as part of the 80th anniversary of the bombing in 2025. It costs a huge amount to travel there but may be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not sure whether to go for it.
Otherwise I’m ok. Meeting at work last week went ok, they’re going to try and get some clarity to me before Christmas.
I JUST learned what “self care” actually is. So, I have ADHD and anxiety and probably depression, so I have had medications for all three. Notably my anxiety medication almost immediately removed my social anxiety, etc. But I still felt listless, not knowing what to do with myself, letting my apartment get unacceptably dirty. I get a new therapist and he’s got a specialization in “Men’s Issues”, right? And so he listens to my plight and he says “you care about everyone else, why not focus on doing things for yourself?” He specifies that it’s not selfish to do things for yourself, and WOW. I look at my desk, I’m unsatisfied? Cleaned, wiped away. Dirty dishes? Get em outta of the sink and onto the drying rack? Making my bed because I think it looks nicer. I’m amplifying my dissatisfaction into action. It’s awesome.
And the best part? He’s using Men’s Issues techniques and he NEVER mentions it as self care. He knows I’m a smart guy, and (stereotypical) guys don’t like these “mental health” buzzwords peppering women’s magazines. He simply says: “Do things for yourself because YOU want them.” THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY WITH MEDICATIONS! You can’t use your newly modified brain perfectly, you need help. And the right therapist can change everything.
Currently drowning in school work but I’m about to graduate so I’m just pushing myself through.
Currently shopping for a new graphics card as a grad gift actually. I’m leaning toward something similar to the rx 7800xt which would be my first AMD card. It’s hard to argue with the numbers, especially since I don’t expect to be using ray tracing or DLSS for at least a couple years.
Overall, struggling to stay motivated and very sleep deprived. It’s my fault though, I need to return to meditation
you can do it! idk if you’re referring to HS or Uni, but i remember in Uni the senioritis hit me HARD in that last semester. I had just a few more essays than i had the motivation to finish. For at least one of them, I double-checked the syllabus and realized that the professor had not specified a font size or spacing, only a page count. You better BELIEVE I took my half-finished essay, drafted a conclusion, bumped up the font size to 14 double-spaced and turned it in.
Haha I haven’t ever gone that far, I wish I could do that. I’m at university but I can’t let too much slip since I’m trying to head for grad school. Just have to muster the effort to finish the next 6-7 weeks till finals are here. But thanks for the motivation!
Nice nice nice! I knew by that last semester that I did not want to go to grad school (at least not right away), so you’re definitely in a different headspace than i was. To be clear, I was usually an “A” student all the way through, but sometimes your motivation just leaves your body.
Draaaaaaaiiined the fuck out. Too much shit in one week. For most people, it wouldn’t be a lot, but I have significant fatigue issues and it’s just been too much.
Need to just have some calm and take this week to recover what little energy I can usually muster up. So a major break it is. Keep things light for a while.
Otherwise, generally fine… ish.
So tired
i had my two-month follow up about my brain pills (atomoxetine). they’re working, i think! most of the bad side effects are gone. my provider okayed me for a 90-day supply, and then we’ll check in again. yay for medications that work, and i’m glad i stuck it out for the first few rough weeks.
chuck (foster dog) was supposed to have his stitches out last wednesday, but they weren’t quite ready, so we go back again this wednesday. on thursday he’s coming to the office with me in the morning, then going to his potential adopter’s home for a visit. fingers crossed it goes well! he deserves a good, loving home.
cone of shame tax:
Aw poor Chuck! He looks so sorry for himself.
Glad you’re feeling a bit better
Welcome to Atomoxetine! I remember starting them and gaining the inexplicable ability to predict what time it is before checking my phone. I’m glad some of the non-stimulant medications helps. Just remember to stick with both your psychiatrist AND your therapist. You will gain new capabilities that bring you closer to neurotypical, meaning new thinking techniques like scheduling and habits may become easier. If you think your medication is starting to stop working, therapy was the solution for me.
i have a lot of various methods for managing my habits and work stuff, but the brian pills make it so much easier for me to actually remember to look at the systems i’ve put in place and do them rather than spend so much time making and modifying the systems themselves. oh! and i don’t get intense hyperfixations at all anymore! i can break away from things i’m interested in which is just. wow. neat!
Is this for ADHD?
You better believe it. It’s a non-stimulant, meaning you won’t get any instant focus changes like the TV might dramatize. Nah, this stuff takes multiple weeks to start to kick in, meanwhile you get all the standard medication side effects. However, it’s a subtle but distinct difference when you finally have the agency to say “no, I don’t want to watch youtube anymore, I’m going to sleep”. And then you go to sleep. And then you get distracted for maybe 6 minutes but THEN you go to sleep. Only six minutes! I don’t even remember how I felt before, but that’s the thing. It feels more normal than abnormal, it’s a lifestyle changer.
Psychiatrists. They know not to give me stimulants after I didn’t sleep for 3 days on Adderall. Thanks science for having alternatives.
Wow I might need to look in to this
My body hurts
High highs, low lows so far. Monday morning an adorable kitten wandered into my mechanic shop and applied for a job. He’s official pest control manager now unless I find where he came from. He doesn’t know a litter box or the sound of a cat food can opening so it’s probably a stray/feral. But it’s one of the most affectionate cats I’ve come across in a long time.
Tuesday leaving work after a meeting/pets with the new employee, I made it about 2 blocks and someone ran a stop sign and hit me. I’m ok, they are apparently ok (I stayed far back to keep it civil) but my poor 30 year old truck took a pretty hard hit. It’s nothing special to anyone else; but I like it, and have put a lot of blood, sweat, and time into it. Hoping it’s not as bad as it looks.
Anyways, here’s the cat tax: https://i.imgur.com/ntvdV4V.jpg Hope it brightens y’all’s day.
I have a migraine 😞 cut down from 3-5 cokes every day to 1. I just had today’s one to hopefully that helps the migraine.
I’d love a coke lol
Update. I had a coke 😂
This week is going pretty well! I don’t have anything big looming over me that I need to get done, and I’m seeing Peter Gabriel this weekend, so I’m super psyched about that.
Omg cool!!!
I grew up listening to him via my dad, who passed away a couple of years ago, so it’s extra special to me that I’m able to go.
I can see that it would be! Hope you have a wonderful time!
I don’t know where this should get posted but like passing thought. Where do people make Internet friends in 2023 / 2024 ?
Online Gaming, really.
Actually an interesting place where I’ve started to get to know people online (wouldn’t call them friends…yet) is on Mastodon. I joined a smaller instance kinda on a whim and it’s been nice. Think there are <300 users, and only maybe 50 are active commenters? It reminds me of the early days of Twitter when it was fun to talk with complete strangers. My instance is somewhat politics-based, but we all post and talk about our personal lives and interests, too. For example, we have some trans users who talk about their struggles. Others of us talk about gaming. Jobs, travel, and tech comes up too. It’s not just politics. But there is a lot of memeing and joking around. It really does feel like a little community.
Ahhh nice. I don’t really do the gaming much but that’s given me things to think about
