Parents you can tell anything to and be heard without judgement, or a list of all your failings in life.
Parents you’re not afraid to tell that you tried for something, just in case you fail and it will be used against you for the rest of your life?
Just to clarify, I love my parents and know they love me back, but 10 minutes is literally the limit of co-existence
One of them doesn’t listen at all. He’s also dead so I’m willing to overlook his blatant lack of enthusiasm.
I mean that’s kinda fair enough. Gotta be a boundary somewhere right.
I have two great parents
My best friend has one, with the other one being an violent alcoholic
My SO has a brain damaged (literally) father and a hyper conspirational spiritual mother.
The more I learn about everyone else’s parents the more thankful I get
Both of mine are dead.
My parents aare the same as your SOs. Except, my dad is super religious too. But I suspect he doesn’t even actually believe. It’s mostly an excuse to talk shit about people he don’t like.
My dad was like that, he was my safe person and would always celebrate my success, had wise advice and truly cared for my wellbeing. When I became a parent, many things from the way he taught me were passed on to my own kid. Then he died. That was ten years ago and I miss him everyday.
My mom was abusive all through me and my sibling’s upbringing, she stills is, mind you but I am very low contact/ on the brink of no contact now. As a mother myself, I have done the exact opposite of what she did to me so my kid is treated with respect, compassion, genuinecuriosity about their interests, acceptance and grace. They will not know what not being loved or unwanted feels like.
I have parents that are kind and will listen without judgement and be supportive.
My father is reliably discreet. My mother is a gossip, though, and I can’t tell her anything I don’t want the entire family to know.
Yeah, I tend to keep a heavy guard up around my mum, even when we’re on very good terms for that same reason
I had a good relationship with my dad, but he passed when I was 21. I’ve now been alive longer without a father than with one. He had major faults: racist, homophobic, and started going Baptist when he got cancer. If he had survived it, I think that downfall would have progressed and he’d be a fucking Maggot by now. I don’t think he’d get along well with his pansexual son, bisexual DIL and transgender grandkids. So, and this is not a good feeling, I’m a little appreciative of the fact the relationship ended when it was still good. But I’m haunted by what it would have been like if he survived. Like I said, we had a really good relationship. He taught me all kinds of outdoorsman skills, taught me how to keep family close, and how to honor my word. I don’t know if I could have handled if he survived and continued along that path.
My mom always lived for herself and was abusive. I still flinch when someone touches my face because she hit us so much. I cut ties on my wedding day almost 10 years ago and am much happier and healthier.
They both taught me how not to parent and as long as I keep in mind how their words and actions made me feel, I know how to be a good dad to my kids. I’m not going to say they did me a favor there, but I do rely on that lesson to guide me.
Oh wow, that’s quite a double-edge in feelings there.
He taught me all kinds of outdoorsman skills, taught me how to keep family close, and how to honor my word. I don’t know if I could have handled if he survived and continued along that path.
He sounds, overall, like a good man you could model a few aspects of your life after. Which is rare for abusive parents - it kind of sounds like they were trying to do the best with what they knew, but were unable to cope with the stress, and had no socially acceptable outlet beyond abusing their kids.
Parents are humans with their own flaws and backstories. They’ve had (presumably) 20 years of the worlds bullshit flung at them before you entered the picture. Can they be nice? Sure. But as you become an adult try to forgive them for the times they failed. Chances are they were doing the best they could with what they had at the time.
As a parent I try to listen with an open mind and admit when I’m probably a little biased. I still get called out and grump about it.
If there’s anything you want to share, I’m willing to listen.
Parents are humans with their own flaws and backstories. They’ve had (presumably) 20 years of the worlds bullshit flung at them before you entered the picture.
This sort of sentiment is fine to say parent to parent but parent to child it is a massive cop out.
“I had to put up with this bullshit, so you do to” is terrible parent.
It’s not acceptable for a parent to forward the world’s bullshit onto their child.
You are right parents shouldn’t say this to kids directly but I do think they can illustrate that they aren’t all powerful and depending on the maturity of the kid go into some of the realities of the world we live in.
I was also just trying to remind younger folks that their parents are human and have flaws and my be worthy of forgiveness for those flaws.
I have one bio parent I can do that with, and I know I’m privileged to have that. To be able to confide, ask questions, seek advice, break down, or even just play cards together provides a certain level of mental safety I didn’t experience otherwise.
I only hope I can provide even a fraction of that to others; everybody deserves safe people.
Not anymore. I dunno exactly when it happened but after I left for uni I no longer see eye to eye with my folks.
They raised me and I feel they did a good job: respect others, be kind, help people, everyone is equal. All the good stuff.
Nowadays though my dad has gone hard into conspiracy theories proper tinfoil hat stuff, moon landings fake, vaccines cause autism and have microchips, fluorinated water causes something, COVID was a Chinese plot or fake or just flu (despite half his kids working in healthcare and telling him first hand experiences). He’s gone proper racist Britain for the British bullshit, hates immigrants and anyone not white. He’s dragging my mum into it as well but she’s not exactly innocent in her views either. I’m glad they live at the other end of the country now so I can choose how much I see them, holidays used to involve staying with my parents but now we camp kinda close and just have a meal out together a couple times.
I struggled a lot with coming to terms with the huge change, our relationship used to be fantastic especially with my mum, could talk for hours about anything. Now we have a very very narrow range of safe topics and I have to say no I’m not talking about that with you quite regularly.
I even debated cutting contact because of some of the horrible stuff my dad was posting online, fortunately he’s stopped that and now just consumes the hate instead of tagging me in it. I decided that I wanted to keep my parents in my life but set some firm boundaries and just don’t engage with any of the delusions.
I blame facebook for a lot of that. I see it as a symptom of that website, rather than a symptom of my parents true underlying beliefs.
Sure, everyone has some racist/conspiracy bullshit that they shamefully believe to some degree, but facebook heavily normalised it and echoed it to make them believe that it was okay to believe these things.
I’m good with my parents. They have their normal human flaws, which I accept happily.
Are you a parent yourself? It’s really difficult. You can’t help but bring a lot of baggage. There’s a podcast I lesten to, to improve parenting that runs a workshop called “taming your triggers”. Having children exposes a lot of wounds and personal baggage. It’s really difficult to recognise and address those on yourself as a parent. Your description of expectations from a parent are so idealised, I would argue that there are very few individuals in the world who are actually successful in being that good and selfless.
This is interesting if you’ve got an hour to watch a philosophy video. He takes a couple of questions about parenting at the end as well.
There’s a podcast I lesten to, to improve parenting that runs a workshop called “taming your triggers”.
Podcast name? Thanks for the tips here
I’m lucky to say both my parents are like this. They have flaws, for sure, and it would probably worry them if I started unloading on them suddenly, but they wouldn’t judge or be angry at me, that’s for certain.
If anything I need to filter what I say to protect them, they’re both quite prone to worrying too much for things that aren’t very important.
My dad softened a lot lately, seeing his parents go made him realize how important the relationship with his own children is important.
On my mum’s side, I’m afraid she will always be tone deaf and self absorbed, but I learned not to resent her for thatI’m afraid she will always be tone deaf and self absorbed, but I learned not to resent her for that
difficult though
Nice yes
Listen no
I must admit I’m one of the few who can recognize both his parents in this description. Both with their flaws and icks but they are wonderful human beings who have grown me in the man I am today and still remain a reference point to go back to when things get dire or difficult.
I hope everyone or at least a vast majority of people will experience this is a near future; be the best versions of yourselves, if not for you do it for your children!!!
No. Where are my r/estrangedadultchild buddies at?
Listen yes. Hear not always
