i just broke up with my bf who ghosted me bc he realized he’s gay (im a woman). i don’t even think i like guys but i have this compulsion to ask out my friend who i blocked to have a man that treats me right instead of the other guy that ghosted me, and also to make him happy.
he kept talking about how he could treat me better than anyone else, that i should’ve ditched my bf for him (obv i said no), and badmouthed not only his gf of a few years since age 16 but also his first time. he left her bc she showed signs of schizophrenia and she blocked all his socials after he left.
he kept guilttripping me when i said i didn’t want to be his gf so ik he doesn’t care about consent regardless of what he says. he also completely ignored me liking women and acted like i was straight but i feel lonely.
i kinda wanna make him happy and have a bf who pays attention to me but ik i’m probably just saying this out of sadness. we were friends but i had to block.
Someone who will treat you well won’t need to tell you that they will treat you well. It’s kind of like how liars and scammers make a big deal about how honest they are. Another big clue is that he was telling you this while both of you were with other people. He cheats on one partner, he’d cheat on you, too.
he broke up before he said all this. he was clearly into me and hitting on me before they broke up though, and the rest still stands. tysm
i agree with this. also, i feel like if they do it (he never said if they wore protection), the girl might’ve been acting weird because she was pregnant and he just leaves her. that’s sick.
(i cant say for sure but it might be a possibility)
op, it’s possible that he just wants u to meet up with him, have sex, and then leave once u either dont act how he wants u too or if u get pregnant. since he doesn’t seem to take no for an answer, he could also either pressure you into sex or just pressure you into not wearing protection if you choose to do so.
he doesn’t accept dissent in other matters, why would he in sex? especially if he discusses sexual topics with you. it’s very common for gross people like him who don’t take no for an answer, especially when wanting sex, to r*pe their partners.
You blocked them for a reason.
You basically just described a walking, talking red flag. What an asshole. That’s your answer btw: no.
Also, just going into a relationship to cure your loneliness is insultingly unfair for your future partner. This red flag is on you.
Just sort your own stuff out and stay away from any relationship for a while. You will only hurt yourself and others when starting one now.
I don’t think it’s unfair as long as you clearly communicate it and the other person is okay with it. Lots of oddities can be okay and fair as long as they’re clearly communicated about and agreed on.
that makes sense, you’re right. i reworded it, i realized how wrong it sounded
You don’t genuinely like him, you’re just lonely. Plus, he doesn’t respect you at all, or his previous girlfriend. He won’t treat you right, but let’s be honest, even if he was the greatest man in the world, you’re not actually into him.
It sounds like you’re having a really hard time and you just want some tenderness and support, but you won’t get it from a misogynist.
Keep him blocked, and take care of yourself.
thanks so much 🫂 gave me the ick a little that he barely acknowledged that i liked girls. he only cared about if i liked guys or had a bf, he only got upset when i liked a guy.
it’s almost as if he was trying to act like i was straight, which was a bit insulting to me. if i had a gf/liked a girl, he would act like that meant i was just single and not attracted to anyone at all.
Listen to that ick!! That’s the part of you that knows your worth
as a bigender person, i identified as transfem as a teen (under 18). i had similar problems online where men would deny my bisexuality because for some reason, it’s gay for me to have a close and intimate friendship with a dude now that i’m more masc, but as a transfem, dating women just means “you’re gal pals”
You don’t want that guy. What you want is attention, and he was the last person to give it to you, therefore you think you want him.
Just get dressed up and go to a bar, and you’ll find enough guys who will give you that, without the red flags.
thanks so much!
Literally everything is a red flag in this post. Stay far away from this person.
I personally think you need to take some time off dating in general (both women and men) to really figure out what you want (not just sexually or romantically, but what you want a relationship to be). Don’t let other people influence that. Dating out of lonliness is a great way to get stuck on the receiving end of an abusive relationship. You need to be comfortable with and love yourself before it is possible to be in a healthy relationship. It is a lot of work to do so, but it is absolutely worth it in the end.
Also unrelated, but make sure you stay far away from drugs. They will make not just this situation, but every situation worse.
No offense, but you really need to figure yourself our before you try dating anyone else. This post has a lot of red flags.
I’m not going to tell you what to do. I am going to point out the red flags you cited and ask what you would say to a friend who was considering dating someone who behaves like this.
he kept talking about… that i should’ve ditched my bf for him
In other words, he did not respect your relationship when you were in one.
badmouthed not only his gf of a few years
He handles struggles in a relationship by badmouthing his partner to others,
he left her bc she showed signs of schizophrenia
and uses an armchair diagnosis as an excuse to get out of a relationship instead of just saying it’s not working for him anymore like an adult.
he kept guilttripping me when i said i didn’t want to be his gf
He doesn’t care about your preferences, and tries to manipulate you when they don’t match his.
Oh god you’re a mess. Don’t date women either….
That man has more red flags than a flag football team.
Sounds perfect for this woman with a nearly equal amount of red flags
I’d argue the man is worse. Not saying it’s right, but OP is around 18 and I only see that she wanted to date him out of loneliness. What other red flags do you see that I didn’t catch?
OP, you’re still barely an adult, but using people to get over a breakup is not ok under any circumstances. I get you’re sad, but you’re in no place to date anyone right now
Girl, I can’t believe no one here is telling you that the behavior you’ve described is absolutely not “having a man that treats you right”. Guilt tripping, trashing his own girlfriend while being with her, telling you to be unfaithful, ignoring your homosexuality…
Hell, the way you’ve described him makes me wonder if his girlfriend was actually schizophrenic or if he just gaslit the fuck out of her and ditched her when it started to catch up to him. Did you know her personally? Did she show signs of schizophrenia that couldn’t be explained by gaslighting? Did he try to work with her through her potential schizophrenia? That’d be another huge red flag: if she showed signs of disability and instead of trying to work with her, he dumped her.
Don’t do it.
You’re just sad, hurt, and about to get yourself into a hell of a lot more hurt if you listen to this strange compulsion of yours. Chill. Take a deep breath. Find some lesbian chicks. There’ve gotta be dommy lesbians around you if you’re in a somewhat populated area in the US. Make friends, fuck your friends, have fun, and maybe you’ll eventually end up with a girlfriend or two (and maybe a trans puppygirl too).
Mossyfeather smart
i didn’t know all the details, he just said that she showed signs of schizophrenia and acted weird. i didn’t know her and didn’t know their relationship, but i know he did leave her because she had hallucinations, paranoia, thought objects were real (like dolls), and apparently age regressed a lot. he said she got too clingy and “weird” and even “crazy” for his liking. (which ik that word is stigmatizing in that context because in high school, we were told not to call ppl who showed signs of mental illness crazy)
This situation seems messy. Breaking up and going straight to someone else before you work on yourself seems like a mistake. This friend also seems to not be trustworthy. Why did you block them in the first place?
thanks so much, i blocked him because he wouldn’t stop harassing me. he told me to ditch my bf for him and didn’t care that i didn’t have feelings for him. in fact, he didn’t care much about my personality or identity so long as i was his girlfriend. that’s all he saw, nothing else outside of that.
and even though he wanted me to “take my time”, he was convinced i was his future wife despite only having known me for about a week all because i was pretty and nice to him.
he also didn’t actually care whether or not i liked him, he just wanted me to say yes regardless. i feel like since that was his first time, he’d have sex with me, force me into doing it if i said no, and then break up and badmouth me.
Re-read your own words. This went from unhealthy to straight-up dangerous.
Asking you to cheat while they would also be cheating is a huge red flag as a potential partner and friend. Sounds like you know what you need to do :)
You’re worth more than that!
ik he doesn’t care about consent
That’s it. That’s all your post needed to include. Literally everything else is unnecessary. Your history with your ex is irrelevant to this critical factor.
This is the only piece of information that matters, and it screams, “Hell, no.” This man shouldn’t exist in your romantic space.
Fight the loneliness by working hard over a year to build platonic friendships with groups of people. And then you’ll be able to reenter the arena of romance with a level head, unclouded. Don’t let loneliness cave your standards down. That almost never leads to anything lasting and satisfactory. I’m sorry for the pain you’re going through but the guy you say you’re considering will only severely worsen things, based on your descriptions.
You blocked him for a reason
You need to sort yourself out. First of all you need to find out if you even want to be with guys, girls, or which ever fits your mood. Try exploring your sexuality and find out what you want. You will do yourself no good wasting time with boys making you unfulfilled that could have been better spent smashing gashes with lasses that make you happier.
Ex-friend sounds like he won’t actually be a good boyfriend because of how much he shit talks others, tries to emotionally manipulate you, and doesn’t know how to recognize and “see” you.
Learn to be happy by yourself or you will never know how to be happy with someone else.
