I think you are awesome here. I’m sorry to hear that you experience that level of depression.

I remember making a resolve to do what I see is right even if I can’t be happy, because then I’d be acting in opposition to everything that I hate. I work with what I understand to be good to nourish it in this world. I don’t seek to be good myself, but just do what is necessary to produce good in this world for what I am capable of. If others call me good I’m flattered, but don’t take it personally. If others oppose me for being a communist I ask them what I am doing wrong. They never respond in anything of substance so I disregard them. I find myself frustrated by the lack of power that the communist parties have where I live.

I suggest you experience a dialectal relationship with people outside online spaces for a bit and just focus on finding what good there is around you. Also know that everyone socially highlights the beautiful and hides the ugly. The ugly that is hidden in shame is not something that you experience yourself alone, but people don’t reflect that when performing their best selves online. If you look for it you can find it. Yes therapy and healing from toxic shame is good.

I can tell you are someone that seeks to do good in this world, and that choice alone makes you different than most other people. (may I even say you are better than most?) If you are burdened by the weight of the world, understand it is not your burden alone to carry. Do what you are capable of for the world, but also don’t forget to nourish your emotional well being with friendship. I’m sorry I can’t do much more.

Getting good therapy helps if possible.