Not a lady but I have said those exact words straight up to my SO. Which she just laughed at. Im horrible at bringing up anything regarding the topic, everything i say instantly turns awkward. Idk, ive always been bad with conveying feelings and handling other people expressing emotions. Might just have a hint of <insert diagnosis here> or something.
I have always found it fascinating how even husbands are unsure of simply asking their wives to get fucked. It’s a simple question and If she would only tell me the phrase that she prefers I would use it
My ex-gfs could ask with eye contact. Seriously, stare a second too long with some big doe eyes and I get the message. My favorite ask is for more candid lewd mischief. I’ve straight up had someone at the end of a small house party follow me into my room, shut the door, and lay down on my bed without a word, (great ask BTW), but I can’t think of a single memorable time when a girl outright asked in words.
You comment sort of goes back to a thing about women not just asking but giving off signals that you are supposed to pick up to know what they want. I realize that female brains are different than male brains but it would be so much easier if you would “just tell me what you want”
It is so much more complex than that though. It is really a question of self awareness and abstraction. These are yet another form of intelligence. We all have various forms and weakness. Learning to appreciate and bridge with each other is what matters. I am male, and yet I hate having to spell out and describe mundane details all the time. I mold myself and my expectations to the people around me in life, but most people’s limited self awareness annoys me too. I rarely mention it to anyone, but I have an awareness of how often I must repeat myself just to keep the person in question’s marbles rolling around the track where I need their focus to stay.
Maybe what we want is to not have to tell you what we want, lol. But yeah it takes some of the pleasure out of it if the guy isn’t paying enough attention to know, I guess. Like it’s a skill and a valuable one.
It’s not actually a straight male/female split - I notice that my husband will ask for things and is really just asking, yes or no is ok; I tend not to ask unless I actually need something. I do think his way is more reasonable but I can anticipate for him and would consider him smarter if he could do that too, if that makes sense.
Are you good at giving gifts? It’s a similar skill IMO, the paying attention.
Right, it’s like a measure of the “depth” of a relationship, right? How well you can understand each other without having to explicate everything in common language.
