Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?
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One I’ve heard: a guy was giving another guy some shit for drinking a “girly drink”, saying “real men don’t drink those”.
The guy instantly responded, “Real men drink whatever the fuck they want.”
Absolutely! What is more manly than being independent and not giving a damn about what others think!
Man. I’m gonna use this one for sure!
It lands best if you order a Cosmo or something equally “girly” coloured right before.
Appletini
Easy on the tini
Lassie, in response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I have decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl’s name, and instead I am going to refer to you as whatever famous dog I can think of. I have gone with Lassie because of course it satisfies the criteria of being both a girl’s and a dog’s name, thus helping you to ease into the transition
“I fucked your mom”
Oh, so now you’re disappointing other people’s parents?
Wow, nice.
If it’s someone random, and I haven’t said anything to them at all, I’ll usually put on a confused face and sign “What?” in ASL. Really takes the piss out of them. The hardest part is keeping a straight face when they try to repeat the insult but louder.
It’s also my go-to power move when I’m in a long line or waiting room and someone tries to get chatty. Seriously, if you have the opportunity to take some ASL classes, you definitely should.
If someone calls you a pussy, the best response is “you are what you eat, dick.”
The best comeback to an insult in general is:
“Who is this clown?”
Because it not only calls them a clown, but it infers they aren’t even popular enough to be a well-known clown.
*implies
Who is this clown?
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.
Which, IIRC, insinuated that their mother was a snackish breeder and their father was a gin drunk. (Also, that she was past tense?)
She got better
Might go for a walk!
That’s just like… Your opinion man
You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole.
If someone calls you fat.
Ya I’m fat but I can lose weight. The hell are you going to do with that face.
I’ve heard this one!
Heard of. Heard of.
“I’ve been called worse by better people”.
In my southern portion of the US, I find it better to just let shit slide. Never know who is armed with two short cannons, a .38 snub, and the reason for their lifted truck that has never seen “off” roads.
“I didn’t realise the circus was in town!”
“Were your parents siblings, or was it just a lot of head trauma?”
“I’d tell you to read the room, but we both know reading isn’t your strong suite.”
“What other tricks can you do?”
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The best response to every insult is “ok”. Say that and walk away.
“No u”
“How appropriate, you fight like a cow”
“Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”
Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.
“Sorry, I’m not going to have a battle of wits with someone who is clearly unarmed.”
