Executive dysfunction. I have a horrible time with completing tasks that I’ve built up stress over, my brain just won’t let me start because it feels hopeless. It’s a constant struggle to get things done. And nobody understands. I don’t really expect them to, because “oh sorry that task stressed me out so much that I’ve just completely avoided it” isn’t a valid excuse. ADHD drugs helped but I don’t want to be on them, and a prescription to them bars me from doing other things that I actually enjoy. So I’ll probably just struggle with it the rest of my life.
I want to be a recreational pilot. I’m quite good at it, very committed to and interested in the procedural aspects of it, and religiously adhere to the safety guidelines. According to FAA rules you cannot have an ADHD diagnosis and be prescribed drugs for it and fly, point blank. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but the FAA reached out and grounded me because I didn’t lie on the medical application and said I’d dealt with depression in the past. Despite the medical examiner clearing me and issuing my certification.
The long, tedious process of trying to be cleared again stressed me out more than flying was fun, and now I’m just sort of in a limbo, after thousands of dollars spent on training.
This is all to say that the process taught me that the stigma around mental illness is alive and well in the USA, and I just don’t want any of it on my medical record anymore. I can deal with it. Mental health support isn’t good enough yet to actually significantly improve my life, or at least it’s never worked well enough for me. So the consequences of having any hint on an official document somewhere of not being 100% mentally stable and content 100% of the time aren’t worth it. Who knows if a new opportunity or new-found passion comes along and I get fucked out of it because I felt sad for a long time and wanted to talk to someone about it, or I wanted some help trying to make my brain work more like everyone else’s. I’ll do what I should’ve done from the start, and suck it up.
Sorry for the rant, definitely more than you were looking for, it’s just been weighing on me.
Holy shit… who hasn’t struggled with depression at some point? I’m so sorry that interfered with your certification. I guess I get why depression is a red flag but it’s just so common, you’d think if you’re cleared by a medical examiner should be enough. And ADD is so common too, but I get why you wouldn’t want it on your record. What a bummer :(
Yeah, it’s a federal agency, and one that’s obsessed with the process of slowly and iteratively improving safety standards. So I understand. It just sucks. 50 years ago mental health wasn’t something the FAA had to think about. Now, so many more prospective pilots have at least something on their record. So they need to catch up. The biggest issue, I think, is that career pilots hide the problems they have in order to keep their jobs. Because they don’t have much of a choice. Suck it up, or jump through a bunch of hoops to seek treatment and still possibly lose your income. Lotta closeted alcoholics in aviation, I’m positive.
Executive dysfunction. I have a horrible time with completing tasks that I’ve built up stress over, my brain just won’t let me start because it feels hopeless. It’s a constant struggle to get things done. And nobody understands. I don’t really expect them to, because “oh sorry that task stressed me out so much that I’ve just completely avoided it” isn’t a valid excuse. ADHD drugs helped but I don’t want to be on them, and a prescription to them bars me from doing other things that I actually enjoy. So I’ll probably just struggle with it the rest of my life.
I’m curious, could you elaborate on this?
I want to be a recreational pilot. I’m quite good at it, very committed to and interested in the procedural aspects of it, and religiously adhere to the safety guidelines. According to FAA rules you cannot have an ADHD diagnosis and be prescribed drugs for it and fly, point blank. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but the FAA reached out and grounded me because I didn’t lie on the medical application and said I’d dealt with depression in the past. Despite the medical examiner clearing me and issuing my certification.
The long, tedious process of trying to be cleared again stressed me out more than flying was fun, and now I’m just sort of in a limbo, after thousands of dollars spent on training.
This is all to say that the process taught me that the stigma around mental illness is alive and well in the USA, and I just don’t want any of it on my medical record anymore. I can deal with it. Mental health support isn’t good enough yet to actually significantly improve my life, or at least it’s never worked well enough for me. So the consequences of having any hint on an official document somewhere of not being 100% mentally stable and content 100% of the time aren’t worth it. Who knows if a new opportunity or new-found passion comes along and I get fucked out of it because I felt sad for a long time and wanted to talk to someone about it, or I wanted some help trying to make my brain work more like everyone else’s. I’ll do what I should’ve done from the start, and suck it up.
Sorry for the rant, definitely more than you were looking for, it’s just been weighing on me.
Holy shit… who hasn’t struggled with depression at some point? I’m so sorry that interfered with your certification. I guess I get why depression is a red flag but it’s just so common, you’d think if you’re cleared by a medical examiner should be enough. And ADD is so common too, but I get why you wouldn’t want it on your record. What a bummer :(
Yeah, it’s a federal agency, and one that’s obsessed with the process of slowly and iteratively improving safety standards. So I understand. It just sucks. 50 years ago mental health wasn’t something the FAA had to think about. Now, so many more prospective pilots have at least something on their record. So they need to catch up. The biggest issue, I think, is that career pilots hide the problems they have in order to keep their jobs. Because they don’t have much of a choice. Suck it up, or jump through a bunch of hoops to seek treatment and still possibly lose your income. Lotta closeted alcoholics in aviation, I’m positive.